Here's My Story
by nothingbuttrouble202
Summary: Demi has had enough of Selena always putting her second in their friendship. She gets more and more depressed every day. Until she decides to just say "screw it" and expose herself to the world. Is this the end of the line for their friendship? R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! So this is just a one shot I wrote because I was just in one of those moods. Something like this is really goinng on in my life. My "best friend" doesn't seem to care anymore and I've been struggling with depression/cutting but it isn't as bad as I make it out to be in this. I know that telling you all this is pretty bold but part of my recovery is talking about it and saying how I feel. I write because it helps.**

**I also just wanted to say that I don't think Selena is a horrible person at all! I just thought that this best friend pairing worked because Demi went through her depression and Selena was or is her best friend so I just decided to use those two.**

**I hope you guys like this, sorry it's kind of depressing. Please tell me what you think! **

Cutting is something I've been struggling with since August of 2011. I have tried to stop since the say I started but I just can't. My depression isn't exactly a big secret. There are so many people who know about it and have told me that I need to stop but have done nothing to stop it. They don't know what to do or how to deal with it.

My former best friend, who is still a friend but nowhere near as close any more, constantly tells me that she understands how I feel and tells me that her life is so much worse than mine. I'm sure that it is; I'm not trying to play the "my life is worse than your life" game. I'm just trying to tell her how I feel because I need to stop holding it all in. She constantly tells me that I can go to her, talk to her and that I can count on her, but can I really? Like she so often tells me, she has her own problems, her own stress; she doesn't need mine on top of it. Especially if she is just going to say that her life and stress is so much worse than what I'm feeling because I don't have as bad as a life as she does. I know it sounds like I'm putting her down but I'm honestly not. I'm merely speaking what I notice. She can tell me I can count on her all she wants but it's going to say so much more than that for me to believe it. We've grown so much apart it scars me. She and I used to share _everything_ and then it all changed. I believe it changed for a few reasons. One, the summer before junior year she wasn't going to be returning to the high school we had been attending. Two, she started dating a, not so perfect, guy who changed her. Then third, her current boyfriend came into the picture and he now consumes all of her time, energy, and thoughts. I'm happy that they are so happy together but it's like he is all she cares about. They spend more time together than she and I ever did. I sound jealous and that's because I am.

It all became too much. I was tired of her putting him before anyone else. My cuts started to get deeper and deeper. It came to the point where it took months before they would become scars and when they did they still looked bad. I was sick of the sadness. I was sick of the hurt. I was sick of it all. I walked down the hall of my school, like I would any other normal day, but this time I wasn't hiding. I wasn't wearing anything to cover the scars that covered my wrists and arms. As I walked down the hall I heard gasps and whispers. Everyone saw them. It wasn't a secret anymore. I saw the one I used to call my best friend. She turned her head and her eyes went instantly to my bare arms. She gasped and covered her hand over her mouth. I gave her a small smile and kept walking. She finally saw just how badly I was hurting. Everyone did.

I felt an arm grab mine and I turned to meet the eyes of my "best friend". "What the hell?" She almost screamed at me. Her eyes were filled with tears. I jerked my arm out of her grip. "Why would you do this to yourself?" She was still screaming at me.

"You knew I was doing this." I kept my expression neutral, so she couldn't tell what I was feeling or thinking.

"I didn't know just how serious this was! Why didn't you come to me?" She looked so hurt, broken almost. She was so pained by what I had done to myself.

"Don't you think I tried? I tried to tell you little things that stressed me out and all you would say it how hard your life is and that if I were you then I would have real reasons to be stressed. For months all you have been doing is telling me how much worse your life is than mine. That isn't what I needed to hear from you! I needed my best friend to help me like she did freshman year but she obviously isn't there anymore. She's found something better than a broken friend."

"You can't blame me for this!" Tears were rapidly falling down her cheeks.

"I'm not, I'm just telling you how I feel. Why does it seem like every time I do you try and turn the situation around and make it about you? I know you love talking about you but can you please just stop for one second and listen to me? I'm broken! I've reached my limit! Do you see these scars?" I screamed, holding out my arms so she could get a close up of them. "I have no other way of dealing with the pain."

Selena was crying more than I had ever seen before. She was usually so strong around everyone else. She was also one to hold in her feelings. I wanted to feel sorry for her but I couldn't anymore. I turned on my heels and left her standing there to process what has happened. This was my final goodbye.

By the end of second period I was in the counseling office to talk about the scars that covered my arms and wrists. The school called my parents; they kept me under watch until they could talk to my parents. The entire day I just sat emotionless. I didn't talk. I didn't react to anything. It was official, everyone knew I cut. Nothing changed after that day. The news died down quickly, my parents didn't act any different. The only thing that changed was Selena and I's relationship. I never spoke to her again after that day. She tried so hard to make things right but it was too late for anyone to get to me. To be honest, I felt better not having her around anymore. I know that's a horrible thing to say but the way our relationship was going, it was better this way.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I decided to write another chapter to this, I don't know if I'll actually continue this or not but here is a second chapter. I hope it's alright. **

It has been six months since everything came out. My cutting only worsened, if that was even possible. I cut too deep into my vain and I passed out on my bathroom floor. My little sister found me and when he saw the blood he got my parents and within fifteen minutes I was at the hospital. They all thought it was a suicide attempt. It was an accident. I didn't mean to cut so deep. I just couldn't stop.

They kept me in the hospital for two weeks. I refused to see anyone. The only people I couldn't keep out of my room were the nurses and the doctors. I was too ashamed to face my family, especially Madison.

My parent's didn't force me to talk to them about the incident but highly encouraged it. They practically had me on suicide watch, even though I had told them I wasn't suicidal. They weren't taking any chances this with me this time.

I returned to school a week after I was released from the hospital and as I walked through the halls I hung my head in shame. The gauze around my wrist had red seeping through it and it throbbed as I walked. People stared and whispered as I walked. I had gotten used to the looks people gave me. They all felt sorry for me or were completely disgusted with what I had done.

I got to my locker and after I opened it someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned slowly and saw Selena standing a few inches from me. I gave her a slight glare and turned back to my locker, getting my books needed for my first few classes out.

"Will you please talk to me?" She begged.

I cringed at her voice. She sounded broken. I hated that she wouldn't give up. "I have nothing to say to you." I hissed, slamming my locker and walking off.

"I'm sorry, alright?" She yelled after me. "How many times do I have to say it before you finally forgive me and will be my friend again?" There was a strong presence of desperation in her voice.

"Selena!" I yelled turning and facing her. "You don't need to be sorry. You need to let it go and move on. You have Justin and Taylor. You don't need me and I don't need you, not anymore." I turned to walk away again, but she grabbed my bandaged wrist, causing me to cry out in pain.

She didn't notice just how much pain I was in and held on tighter to my wrist as I struggled to get out of her grip. She finally notices blood seeping through at a quick rate and dropped my wrist. "Shit, Demi what happened?" She asked, horrified by all the blood.

"What the fuck do you think happened?" I screamed, tears pouring down my cheeks. "I cut too deep and almost bleed to death. Leave me alone Selena! You only cause me pain now so do me a favor and give up!"

I ran into the girls' bathroom and cried my eyes out. I cried because of the pain in my wrist. I cried because of the pain that caused me to cut. I cried for the shame I brought upon myself. I cried for a lot of things. I stayed in the bathroom until lunch. I walked out, wiping my tears as I walked and smacked into someone. I didn't bother to look up and see who it was or acknowledge the fact that I just ran into someone and just kept walking.

"Demi?" The person whispered. "Is that you?" I looked up and saw Joe. _Fuck. _I thought to myself. Joe was my boyfriend from freshman yea, before I was so messed up. I was sure he's heard plenty of stories from other people and he knew I was messed up now. I didn't want to sit and listen to him tell me how stupid I am and what a big mistake I'm making so I tried to walk away from him. "Demi." He said firmly. "You know you can't run from me. I'll only chase after you."

"What do you want, Joe?" I said bitterly.

He seemed taken aback by the lack of care or compassion that I had in my tone. "What's wrong?"

I just wanted to disappear. He seemed genuinely concerned. "Like you haven't heard." I laughed without humor.

"You know I don't listen to what other people say. I like to hear it from the person themselves."

"Nothing is wrong, Joe." I pushed past him and made my way out of the hallway and into the fresh air.

"Selena is really worried about you." Joe said, following me outside. "What happened between you two? You used to be best friends."

"Just like you and I used to be in love." I shot back. "Things change. People change."

He looked down and noticed the bloody gauze on my wrist. "Oh my God!" He exclaimed, gently holding up my wrist and carefully running his fingers over the gauze. He was so gentle with me, unlike Selena was. "This needs to be cleaned and taken care of."

"Its alright, Joe." I didn't pull my wrist away from him.

"Demi, just let me help. I have a first aid kid in my backpack." He led me over to a bench.

"Why do you have a first aid kit?"

"You never know when you'll need one." He smiled weakly at me.

He gently removed the gauze and the cool air hit my open cut, making me shudder. Joe turned pale at the sight. There was a substantial amount of dried blood. He gently cleaned the blood and there was only the cut left. He lightly brushed his fingers over it and looked me in the eyes. After a moment he broke eye contact and pressed a soft kiss against the cut. "Does it feel any better?" He asked softly. I nodded slightly and he continued to treat the cut.

"Thank you." I choked out.

"Will you tell me about why you did this?" He almost whispered.

"I didn't try to kill myself like everyone thinks." I sighed. "It was an accident. I didn't mean to cut so deep." I was crying now.

Joe cupped my face and brushed my tears away with his thumbs. "It kills me to see you so broken and fragile." Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. "Let me try and fix you." He whispered before gently pressing his lips against mine in a soft kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

It's been two weeks since Joe kissed me. He's been helping me as much as he could. My parents were grateful for the extra help. They were overwhelmed and unsure of how to continue on. We never talked about what the kiss between us meant, but I didn't care. He was back in my life and didn't plan on leaving me again. I thought about Selena frequently. She always looked so broken when I passed her in the hall. I know she and Joe speak from time to time and he keeps her updated on my status, which currently was alive. Thanks to Joe it's also been two weeks since I've picked up a razor and cut myself. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done. It had become such a huge part of my life and now I have to get rid of it completely.

Joe was over, again, and throwing away the last of all my razors, scissors, and knives. I wanted to cry at the sight, but then again I think Joe did too. Blood stained almost everything he found in my room. He looked up at me and saw the concern in my face. "Demi, it's okay." He tried to reassure me.

"You don't have to do this. One of my parents can." I said taking the scissors he was holding out of his hands and on the floor. "You look pale." I said lightly cupping his right cheek.

"It's alright. I can do this." He moved out of my touch and started to throw things away again.

"Joe," I said as sternly as I could, without showing my sadness. "You're shaking. Stop." I grabbed his shoulder.

He dropped what he was doing and took me over to my bed. "I need to be strong for you."

"You are strong, Joe. That doesn't mean you're bullet proof."

"There was just so much blood on everything..." His words trailed off and he looked toward the ground.

I cringed at his pain. I was used to blood and even welcomed it while I cut, but Joe, he wasn't used to it. "Let's take a break, okay?"

He looked me in the eyes and leaned in pressing his lips against mine. I was shaking, unsure if I should kiss back or not, but he became more forceful so I took that as my signal to kiss him back. He pushed me so I was now on my back on the bed and crawled on top of me. His kisses became lust filled and hungry. He moved to my neck and started to leave love bites and sucked on it, causing me to let out a soft moan.

My brain finally came to its senses and pushed Joe off of my neck. "Joe, what are we doing?" I asked, slightly panting.

He was slightly panting as well. "Isn't this what you want?"

I pushed him completely off of me. It finally made sense. He didn't want me. He just wanted to make me happy. He thought being with me would be the only way to do that. "Get out!" I shouted.

He was startled. "Demi-"

"No!" I still shouted. "I don't want your sympathy. I can't believe you would do that!" Tears we're running down my cheeks like rapid fire.

"Demi, I just want you to be happy." He tried to reach out and touch my arm.

I moved away from him. "So you thought that fucking me would make me happy? I could care less if we were together again or not! I was just grateful that you cared. I would have been perfectly happy as friends, but now I don't even want that." I pushed him toward my bedroom door.

He caught my forearm and held me tightly. "Demi, will you just listen to me for one second?"

"I don't want to hear anymore of your bullshit!"

"I wasn't faking this! I do care about you, more than you realize." He caught my gaze and I couldn't break away. "I want you, Demi because I love you, not because I just want you to be happy."

"Just get out." I barely whispered.

"You don't mean that." He stepped toward me.

"Yes, I do."

He searched my eyes, looking for truth behind my words. Not finding any, he gripped my tighter. "Don't push me away. You were doing so well."

I sighed. "Joe, please, just go. We can talk later. I'm tired now and just want to be alone."

"We will talk later," He said seriously. "about everything." He kissed my cheek and left my room.

I picked up my cell phone and dialed the number I have known by heart since freshman year. The phone only rang twice before there was an answer. "Demi?" The voice questioned.

"H-hi Selena." I stuttered, almost regretting calling her.

"Hi." Her voice lit up. She was doing a bad job of trying to hide her excitement.

I don't know why I was doing this. It was just instinct. I always used to call her when Joe and I got into a fight. She used to always know what to say. I suddenly missed her so much my chest started to hurt. It was just now hitting me just how much I had depended on her. It was also hitting me just how badly she was hurting me as well.

"Dems?" She asked after a few moments. I realized that I hadn't said anything and she was just waiting while I was lost in my inner thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" I finally responded.

She chuckled lightly. "You called me. Remember?"

"Right. Sorry." I said, embarrassed.

"It's fine. I'm glad you called. I've been thinking about you a lot lately." She sighed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called." I felt bad. I was sending her mixed signals. I never should have called her. Damn instincts.

"No Demi please don't-" She protested, but it was too late. I already hung up.

**A/N: Thank you SO much to all of you who have reviewed! It means that world to me and has really inspired me to continue with this. :) **

**I hope this chapter is good! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up Monday morning feeling like a zombie, the night before I had a pity party with myself. Since I couldn't cut myself I numbed the pain with vodka. I drank more than almost an entire bottle. I puked twice. I was on the bathroom floor near the toilet. I was suffering from a massive hang over.

I got into the shower and was downstairs thirty minutes later to find Joe sitting in the living room waiting for me. Why was he here? He doesn't usually pick me up for school… I looked over at my mom, who had a guilty look on her face. Joe must have talked to her before he left after our fight. I shot her a glare then turned to Joe. He smiled. I rolled my eyes and turned to walk out the door.

After what felt like hours but was only a matter of minutes, we arrived to school. I tried to open the door to get out but Joe locked it, trapping me inside. "Joe! Let me out!" I demanded.

"Not until we talk." He said.

"Joe, I'm tired and feel like shit. Talking to you is the last thing I want to do right now." I said messaging my temples.

"Why don't you feel good? Drink too much last night?" Great. He was angry with me. I stayed silent. "What am I going to do with you, Demi?"

"You don't need to do anything." I mumbled.

"Clearly I do." He protested. "Why did you drink?" He asked, calming down.

"I couldn't cut so I drank instead." I said honestly. There was no point in lying to him.

"What's next then? Drugs?" He asked, his voice rising again.

I hated being yelled at. It only makes me feel worse and do more harmful things to myself. "No!" I sobbed. I felt like such a baby. I sobbed for at least ten minutes. That was all I could do. I felt Joe wrap an arm around my shoulder, trying to comfort me. "I'm sorry." I said between sobs. "I'm so sorry."

Joe kissed the top of my head. "No, I'm sorry." He said rubbing circles in my shoulder. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I don't like feeling like this." I said looking up at him.

He pushed the hair out of my face and rested his palm on my cheek. "It's all going to be okay. I promise."

We finally got out of the car. Joe held my hand as we walked into the school. He was holding my hand for support mentally and physically. I was having some trouble walking still due to my hang over. We parted way and went on with our days.

"Are you feeling any better?" Joe asked at lunch.

I shrugged. "My head is still killing me."

"Here," He said digging through is backpack. "I have some Advil."

"Thanks." I swallowed the pills dry and leaned back against the wall. It was so easy letting Joe back into my life. After we broke up I shut him out and avoided him at all costs. I don't even remember why we had broken up, or who had broken it off. "Joe?" I asked looking up at him.

"Yeah?" He asked looking back.

"Why did we break up?" I was embarrassed asking him this. "I can't remember." I added shyly.

He sighed at looked away from me. "You broke it off because you said you didn't love me anymore." He looked pained having to say it. "I knew you didn't mean it though."

It was slowly coming back to me now. I broke it off because he had gotten too busy to have a girlfriend. I told myself I didn't love him anymore after a couple months of barely seeing each other, but I knew it wasn't true and apparently so did he."You're right." I started. "I didn't mean it."

"Do you remember why you told me that?" He deserved to know.

"It was because you're grades were starting to slip and you were busy trying to keep them up. I figured you didn't need another distraction so I told myself and you that I didn't love you anymore and I avoided you so that you could focus on what was important." It sounded stupid saying it out loud, but at the time it made sense. Good grades are important to him and his family and I didn't want to be the one holding him back from accomplishing greater things.

"You should have just talked to me."

"We both know you wouldn't have let me leave if I told you." I smiled slightly. "It was what was best at the time. You're grades went back up didn't they? And you figured out how to balance your free time and study time, right?"

He sighed, feeling defeated. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He pulled me into his lap. "At least I found a way to get you back into my life."

I rested my head in the crook of his neck. I still didn't know where this left us, but honestly, I was glad he was back in my life as well.

I didn't see Selena at all that day, which surprised me because I usually see her at least twice a day. I just shrugged it off, figuring she didn't want to see me after our phone call and my hanging up on her.

Joe dropped me off at home and I went straight to my room, locking the door behind me. I was breaking the rules my parents set by doing this but I didn't care. I wanted to be locked in my room. I knew I would be okay too because all my razors were gone and so was the alcohol.

I crawled into my bed and soon drifted into a peaceful sleep. I needed to nap off my horrible hang over. After feeling like this, there was no way I was going to drink ever again. I slept for four hours before I was rudely awakened by someone pounding on my bedroom door. I groaned and got up to open the door and yell at whoever it was that woke me up. I was about to open my mouth and yell at my mom, who had been the one knocking, but then I saw that she had been crying. My anger quickly washed away. Before I could ask what was wrong, she spoke. "Selena is the hospital. She tried to kill herself last night.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Surprise! Two chapters in one day! I'm so proud of myself! **

**I think that this story will be coming to an end in the next few chapters because I'm running out of ideas to where this could go...but we'll see! I hope you like this :)**

I slowly made my way down the hall of the hospital. My palms were sweating. I hated being in hospitals, especially after I was checked in. I poked my head out a little to look in the window. Selena was lying in a bed with her eyes closed. She must be sleeping. I reluctantly walked in and sat in the chair farthest from her bed.

Twenty minutes later she started to shift and her eyes slowly opened. Apparently she had tried to overdose on a bottle of pills she found in her bathroom cupboard and her mom found her on the ground just barely breathing. Selena even wrote a suicide note, but I wasn't bothered to ask what it said. I didn't care what her reasons were. She shouldn't have tried to do it. Okay, I know I sound like a hypocrite but I honestly didn't mean to almost kill myself. It was a complete accident. Selena's wasn't.

"Demi?" Selena croaked out. She looked horrible. Her hair was a mess, she was pale, and looked skinnier than usual. It was most likely due to the fact that she had her stomach pumped.

"Why would you do something like this?" I asked walking toward her.

She started to cry. "Why do you even care?" She shouted. "You hate me!"

"I don't hate you Selena." I said honestly.

"You could have fooled me." She muttered.

"Just because I don't want to be your friend doesn't automatically mean I hate you." I was slowly seeing how broken Selena had become. I didn't think she cared this much. She was so good at making me believe she was happy and that she was little miss perfect. It was odd seeing her with her heart on her sleeve.

"You don't like me and you don't hate me. What do you feel toward me?"

"I just want you to be happy. You used to be so happy and all I did was bring you down. Justin makes you happy. How do you think he feels right now?" She face fell even more, if that was possible. "What do you think he would have done if he lost you?"

"I didn't think about that."

"Exactly! You didn't think. Why did you do this to yourself?" I looked her in the eyes. She looked terrified. "Don't you dare say this was because of me." I almost whispered. Selena broke eye contact. She did do this because of me. "Fuck!" I shouted, hitting the wall. "Seriously Selena? You did just because I don't want to be your friend?"

"Stop shouting at me!" She shouted back. "I did it because I thought it would make you happy!"

My face whitened. "Why the fuck would you dying make me happy?"

"Because it's my fault you're depressed! It's my fault you cut. It's my fault you almost died! I ignored you. I was supposed to be your best friend and I ignored you." She was crying again.

If she wasn't so fragile right now I might have slapped her. "None of this is your fault Sel. I told you that. I was depressed before I met you." I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"I can't help but feel responsible. You act like I'm some horrible thing that you're forced to share the same world with."

"I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. I was just frustrated. I think a clean break is what we need right now. We both clearly have things we need to work out on our own before we can even consider being friends again." Selena only nodded. I wiped stray tears from her eyes and kissed the top of her head. "I'm always going to care about you Sel, please never forget that."

I left the hospital not feeling any better about Selena. I did hope that someday we could be friends again, maybe not best friends who share everything and are constantly around each other but casual friends who can hang out and talk occasionally. I didn't visit Selena again after that day. She was released later that week and came back to school the day after.

"How is she?" Joe asked as we walked down the hall. We had just passed Selena, so I assumed that is who he was refereeing too.

"I don't know." I sighed. "I haven't talked to her since I saw her at the hospital."

"Should you talk to her?"

"No. We both need a clean break. I need to be better before I can be her friend again and she needs to work on herself before we can be friends again."

"I was talking to Justin the other day and he said that she seems to be coming to terms with everything."

"I'm happy for her." I said. "At least one of us can."

Joe stopped, pulled me to the side of the hall and looked at me. "Hey," He said lifting my chin so I was looking at him. "You've been doing great these few weeks. You're making progress." Joe encouraged me.

"I've only been doing well because of you."

He smiled. "You're stronger than you know Dems. I've just been cheering you on you're the one making it happen."

"You're awesome, Joe." I laughed.

"I know." He grinned.

"We need to get to class or we're going to be late." I giggled.

His jaw dropped. "You just giggled!" He pointed at me. I could feel my face growing red. "This is the first time I've seen you smile!" My smile grew more. "I've missed your smile." He pulled me into a tight hug.

"Seriously, Joe." I said pulling away after a moment. "We need to get to class."

"You just killed a beautiful moment!" He complained, stomping his food like a five year old throwing a tantrum.

I rolled my eyes. "Joseph, I actually want to get to class on time so that I can try and pull my grades out of the gutter. Isn't that a good thing? You should be proud of me!"

He smiled and hugged me again. "I am proud of you." He whispered in my ear. "I'll see you at lunch." He kissed my cheek and sprinted to his class, which was on the other side of the school.

I laughed at how ridiculous he looked. I caught myself smiling again and realized just how much I had missed it. I was starting to feel like myself again.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! I've been grounded because of this huge project for school but now it's done and I can write again! **

I really hated hospitals. I hate them more than I've ever hated myself. I was back at the hospital for a follow up on the last time I was there. The cut still hadn't scared over and the doctor had to make sure it wasn't infected. My mind kept flashing back to when I was lying in the hospital bed feeling hopeless. I had actually wished I was dead instead of being there and feeling so helpless. I never wanted to be in that position again. I could feel my sister's eyes switching between my cut wrist and me. We haven't spoken since she found me on the floor of my bathroom. I can't even being to imagine how she feels about all of this. Knots began to twist in my stomach. I was feeling guilt, which quickly turned to sadness.

After an hour we were finally able to leave. We got home and Madison sprinted to her room. I don't know why my mom made her come with us. She shouldn't have had to come. She's been through enough. I slowly walked up to her bedroom door and hesitantly knocked on it. At first I got no response, but after a few more knocks she slowly opened her door. She had clearly been crying. I kneeled down to her and wrapped my arms around her, trying to hug her but she only pushed me away. I looked at her hurt and confused. "Don't touch me." She spat. "How could you?" Fresh tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Why would you try and kill yourself? What's so horrible in your life that you felt that was the only way out?"

I had never seen Madison look upset or angry. She was usually so bubbly. "I'm sorry." I started, now crying as well. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I wasn't trying to kill myself. You have to believe me." I was sobbing now. I didn't want her to hate me.

"What were you trying to do then exactly?"

I bowed my head. "I was just trying to get some relief." After my parents found out about my cutting we all thought it would be best not to tell Madison, wanting to spare her the pain.

She looked confused. "Relief?"

I took a deep breath. "I've been cutting myself since August. It was a way to deal with the sadness that I've been bottling up since as long as I can remember." I let out a shaky breath. "I'm depressed. Mom and Dad have known for a while but we didn't want to worry you thinking that it wasn't as serious as it was." Madison wrapped her arms around me and I cried into her shoulder. "Please don't hate me."

She rubbed my back. "I could never hate you, Demi. You're my sister and I love you."

"I love you too."

Madison pulled back and looked my dead in the eyes. "Will you promise me something?" She asked me seriously.

I nodded."Anything."

"Promise me that if you ever to want to," She paused. "Kill yourself you'll talk to someone about it. I don't want to lose you."

"I promise." I hugged her again. "I won't leave you, ever."

Talking to Madison made us both feel better. Everything was out in the open and there were no more secrets. My parents still don't understand what happened between Selena and I and were constantly bringing her up no matter how many times I had asked them not too. Also, my mom and Selena's mom seemed to be bonding a lot ever since Selena was put in the hospital for her attempt of suicide. Selena's mom just didn't know how to handle it and knew about what had happened with me and hoped she could find comfort with my mom. Seeing them become so close reminded me a lot of how Selena and I used to be.

"Demi?" Someone tapped on my shoulder while I was at my locker. I turned around and was surprised to see Justin. "Can I talk to you for a second?" He looked nervous.

"Sure Justin." I tried to give him a reassuring smile, hoping he would relax a little. "What's up?" I turned so he had my full attention.

"It's about Selena." My face fell a little, but I tried to hide it. "I'm worried about her."

"Why are you telling me this?" I tried not to sound too rude, but he knows Selena and I aren't exactly on the best of terms at the moment.

"She broke up with me." My jaw dropped. "She refuses to talk to anybody, but I'm sure if you tried she would talk to you." I sighed, messaging my temples. "I know you two aren't exactly on speaking terms right now but I'm worried about her. I don't want to lose her." It was obvious Justin still loved Selena. I felt sorry for him and I wanted to help him but I wasn't sure I could talk to Selena.

"I don't know Justin." His face fell. "I'll have my mom talk to her mom, okay?"

"You still care about her don't you?" He asked me seriously.

"Of course." I responded, shocked at the random question.

He just nodded his head and walked away.

I thought about what Justin told me all day. I knew what I needed to do. My mom picked me up after school and we went to Selena's house. She already had plans to see Selena's mom so I just asked to tag along and she was more than willing to let me.

I didn't bother to knock on Selena's bedroom door, knowing she would probably ignore me if I did so I walked right in. She took her head out from her pillow and was going to yell but didn't when she saw it was me. "What do _you _want?" She asked, clearly irritated.

I shut her bedroom door and walked over to the edge of her bed. "What's going on with you?"

She snorted. "What does it matter to you? We're not friends."

"Fine." I said. "I'll just leave then." I turned and walked back toward the door.

"Wait!" Selena said desperately. "I'm sorry. Please stay."

I turned back around and sat on the edge of her bed. "Why did you break up with Justin? I know you're miserable without him."

Selena looked down at her hands and fiddled with her fingers. "I don't like him seeing me this way. I didn't want to keep bringing him down with me." She paused for a moment. "And he's what started our drifting apart. If we had never gotten together things might be different now."

She broke up with him because of me? "Selena, call him and tell him you want him back." I insisted. "He's just as miserable as you are without him. You can't blame him for what happened between us. We were drifting apart before him. It was going to happen either way." This wasn't what she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear that I was happy she did this for me and that we would be best friends again. It isn't going to be that easy.

"I can't do anything right can I?" She asked looking up at me.

I smiled softly at her. "Just call him, okay? You need someone right now and Justin is more than willing to help you. He loves you so much Selena." I got off her bed and walked out the door. I came and did what I needed to do, make sure that she would be happy again.


	7. Chapter 7

I was happy to see that Selena listened to me and made up with Justin. I saw the old happy Selena slowly coming back. I couldn't help but smile at the sight. "Isn't watching them a bit stalkerish?" I heard Joe say coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said turning away from them and facing Joe, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him.

He pressed our foreheads together. "Remember when we were as in love as they were?" Joe whispered to me.

"Back in the day when I wasn't so screwed up in the head." I chuckled sarcastically.

"You are not screwed up in the head or anywhere else. You're perfect." I closed my eyes and smiled. "We can be that happy again." Joe suddenly said making my eyes fly back open.

"Joe-"

He interrupted me. "Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don't have any feelings for me anymore?" I shook my head. "I don't just want to be with you because I think that's the only way you'll be happy again. I meant it when I told you I loved you."

A single tear rolled down my cheek. I smiled. "I love you too, Joe."

Joe crashed our lips together and everything felt right in the world. In this moment I wasn't depressed anymore. I was Joe's and that was all that mattered.

"Are you two back together?" We heard Justin shout, causing us to break away from our kiss and laugh.

"Yeah man!" Joe shouted back.

"It's about time!"

I moved my arms from around Joe's neck to around his waist and squeezed him tightly.

It's now been four months since I've cut myself. I feel much happier than I have in a long while. I knew Selena was doing better as well and it was as if she had never tried to kill herself. Slowly Selena and I were around each other more and more due to the fact that Joe and Justin have now become best friends. We even joked about how they were going to leave us to be with each other.

It was Saturday and I was still sleeping soundly, warm and cozy in my bed until I suddenly felt a body bouncing on my bed. I groaned and tried to push whoever it was off. "Hey!" Joe said. "Don't push me!"

I reluctantly opened my eyes and glared at Joe. "You shouldn't have woken me up!" I complained. "I'm tired!"

He rolled his eyes. "You're always tired! Besides, it's almost noon and I'm bored."

"Did my mom let you in?"

"Nope. Madison did." Joe grinned.

Note to self, kill Madison. "I don't want to get up yet, Joe. It's Saturday for God sake!" I rolled over and closed my eyes again, determined to go back to sleep. Joe crawled under the covers with me and pulled me to his body so we were spooning.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. Forgive me?" Joe mumbled into my neck.

I turned so I was now facing him. I smiled. "Of course I forgive you. I can't stay mad at you."

He kissed the top of my head. "Good."

"So, where are you dragging me off to today?"

"Well…" He looked guilty. "Justin wanted to go on a double date."

"Ugh." I groaned. "You already said yes didn't you?"

"I love you." He smiled nervously. I groaned again. "Oh come on. You and Selena have been getting along just fine lately."

"I don't want to push my luck." I complained. "Can't you just tell them I'm sick or something? Why can't you and Justin just do something without us?"

"We're just going to see a movie. You don't even have to talk to her and you can sit next to me and away from them." Joe begged. I stayed silent and just stared at him. "Please?"

"Fine!" I caved in.

"You're the best!" He cheered.

"I know." I joked. "Now get out so I can get ready."

"Aw, but I just got comfortable." Joe said snuggling closer to me.

I pushed him off of me. "I don't care. I was comfortable until you woke me up so now we'll be even."

"You're mean when you first wake up." Joe pouted.

"You already knew this." I giggled.

He pecked my cheek. "I know and I love you anyways."

Joe finally left and I started to get ready for what could be a disastrous night.

We walked through the front doors of the theater and were instantly met with Justin and Selena. "Hey bro!" Justin said before hugging Joe and I.

"Hey Justin." Joe smiled.

I stayed silent, avoiding Selena's eyes on me.

"Hi Demi." Justin said poking my stomach, causing me to let out a small giggle.

"Stop it, Justin!" I laughed, trying to push him off of me.

"Just say hi back and I will!"

He was evil. "Okay, okay! Hi!"

He grinned, satisfied. "Was that so hard?" He wrapped his arm around Selena.

I rolled my eyes dramatically. "Yes! It was!" I joked. I felt Joe wrap his arms around my waist and pulled my back to his chest, resting his chin in the crook of my neck. "Well hello there." I laughed looking at him.

"I was getting jealous of all the attention you were giving Justin." Joe muttered into my neck, ticking me causing me to giggle again.

"Now you know how I feel when you and Justin are all over each other!" I said wiggling out of his grip but intertwining our fingers.

"Let's just go see this movie." Joe sighed dramatically, dragging me over to where the movie was playing.

Watching the movie wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Selena and I didn't speak, but I occasionally felt her eyes on me, which I always shook off. Justin tired to convince us to get something to eat after the movie but I refused.

"Oh come on, Dems! It won't be as much fun without you there." Justin pouted.

"You'll still have Joe!" I protested.

"What? I thought I was your ride home?" Joe asked confused.

"I'll just have my mom pick me up or something."

"No, I want to stay with you." Joe insisted.

"You two are so cute!" Justin squealed. "How about we just take a rain check on dinner for another time? Sel and I can always use some alone time." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

She smacked his arm playfully. "You two can go off and be adorable while I'm killing Justin." She giggled.

Joe hugged Selena and then Justin."Alright. See you guys later." He grabbed my hand and we left. "Was that so bad?" He asked when we got into the car.

I sighed. "No, I guess not. I was worried over nothing."

"I love you, Demi."

I looked up and smiled at him. "I love you, Joe."

He kissed my head and started the car.

Selena and I never "officially" made up but we managed to become something like friends again. Selena and Justin did in fact end up getting married. They were a very cute couple. Joe and I ended up breaking up later but I was forever grateful for him pulling me out of the darkness I was once trapped in. Seeing that happiness is always possible has kept me out. I'm stronger than I ever have been before.

**A/N: Here is the last chapter! This story wasn't really going anywhere anymore so I figured it was time to end it! I hope you still enjoyed it :) please read and review! **


End file.
